Paarportrait Lydia, New York/USA & Halina, Berlin

Would have. Could have. Should have ... Difficult constructions for the German students I teach English in Berlin. But for us, they are the phrases of yearning, regret, fury and recrimination that our unrecognized, illegal relationship have repeatedly provoked in the almost nine years we have been together. We would have married if we could have. We would have lived in New York - at least half of the time. We would have had careers, success, money enough. I could have had a baby, but now it's too late. I should have done it while there was still time. We should have married men for convenience. I should have learned German. She should have looked for other opportunities. We should never have met. If only we would have, could have, had the lives together we should have had. It could have been so easy, it would have been so wonderful, if only. If ... If ... If ...